House rules
by StupidBolts
Summary: Welcome to The Prime Saloon; the most expensive brothel in Iacon. Megatron, is treating his second and third in command to some entertainment with the employees of his old friend Optimus Prime, who happens to be the master of the house and top hooker. R&R
1. Welcome to the house of fun

**I'm going to hell for this, but it'll be fun getting there! XD It's weird; I get these ideas when I walk home from school! Anyhow, the first chapter is timid, but the next three (and there will only be three more) will be Primus-cursing-smut! Some of it will be cute, some creepy, some hot. **

**… Most the third option :3**

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><p>"You're <em>treating<em> us to such an expensive whore house?" Starscream's optics widened in disbelief as Megatron lead them in front of a tall, silver, blue lined building. The words "The Prime Saloon" were printed over a huge sign above the door. Megatron's brow furrowed and he spun around to glare at his Second.

"Such insolence! This is a high class establishment!" he protested. Starscream just raised an optic edge, glancing to Soundwave who was shuffling about awkwardly.

"Well... what ever you wish to call it, mighty leader, it is a well know fact that this 'high class establishment' is one of the most costly of it's kind! And let's be honest here; we are not well for credits at the moment..." The seeker pointed out, checking to see if anyone was staring at them.

"Perhaps," Megatron nodded. "but as of last week, our financial crisis is a thing of the past."

"Oh?"

"You remember my grand-sire, Vector Prime, do you not?"

"Yes; he sponsored our party, correct?"

"He's dead." Starscream blinked. He and Soundwave shared a glance, then looked back at their leader. "And he left all his credits to his favourite grand-creation."

"His _only_ grand-creation."

"Details, details! The important thing is that we are no longer bankrupt!" Megatron then paraded his way through the large, sky blue doors behind him.

"So he spends the money on a brothel..." Starscream rolled his optics and passed Soundwave, who held the door open for him.

"Credits: To do with as he pleases."

"Indeed, no matter how little it will do for our public image." They smirked at each other then resumed their spots on either side of the master.

"Optimus!" Megatron bellowed over the front desk. "It is your old friend, my dear!" A red and blue mech burst out the door at the back, panting and huffing.

"Greetings Megatron, what can I do for you?" he nodded, stepping up to the desk. Megatron smiled a little.

"My lieutenants and I have come for some entertainment. I'd like to introduce; Soundwave," he gestured to the blue mech. "And Starscream. Don't suppose you could book us in?" Optimus leaned to either side to get a good look at these lieutenants.

"Well, aren't they cute?" he chuckled. "Do either of you know how The Prime Saloon is organised?"

"Can't say we do... didn't know whorehouses _could_ be organised!" Starscream shrugged passively, ignoring the glare Megatron pierced the air with. Optimus' optics glittered and he chuckled again.

"Spunky little thing, aren't you?" he rested his elbows on the desk, but didn't sit down. He lifted up a data pad and presented it to the two mechs; the screen was divided into four sections, all different colours. Red, yellow, green and blue.

"We are indeed very organised here, we have separate age groups for our bots and those groups are colour coded," Optimus explained, gesturing to the pad. "Red is for our youngest bots; they range from the ages of 15 orns and 19. We tend not to let lower class customers use them," he shielded his masked face as he whispered loudly to them. "they tend to be rougher."

Starscream smirked and shook his head. "Next you'll be telling me they're all numbered!"

"Silence, Starscream." Megatron growled, though Optimus just laughed.

"We don't have to, they all have names. Most of our bots have already been rejected from society and have no where else to go... they barely have anything else, why take their names from them?" Starscream blinked, not expecting such a claim. "Anyway, yellow is for our rowdy, young adult bots. We offer them to any class who think they're up to it."

"Inquiry: How many are not?" Soundwave asked.

"Most come running out with their tailpipes between their legs." Optimus winked. Soundwave openly chuckled, imagining the Stunticons performing such a display. "Well, only if the twin get their hands on them before Blaster or Tracks can." The house master shrugged. "Green is for the more mature adults, like myself. We're open for any class, but unlike our younger groups, we're a little cheaper."

"Why make yourselves cheap?" Starscream inquired. "Feel no shame?"

"Cheap as in the average price you'd expect our kind to be. We don't just sell our little ones like they were used ship parts!" Starscream tilted his head to the side; how odd that prostitutes cared so much for each other. "Finally, blue is for the elder group. _They_ are far more experience than any of us! They're the most expensive (at their own choice, mind) and tend to be bought by higher and richer classes."

Optimus stood up straight and retracted his mask, revealing a pair of lusciously plump lips and an innocent smile. "So Megatron, the usual?"

"Indeed, just a few mega cycles if you don't mind." Megatron nodded.

"Hm," Optimus began typing at a computer to his right. "so that's... red group... 4.5 mega cycles?" The great tyrant shrugged. "4.5 mega cycles. And, your usual choice?"

"Correct, have Bumblebee waiting for me in the violet room." Optimus nodded and typed a bit more. Then sent off the Decepticon leader.

"Oh, and the rooms are coded as well; the darker the colour, the better it is."

"Violet?"

"One of the best. But the number 1 room is the black and silver." Starscream and Soundwave glanced at each other. "... Is Megatron buying?"

"He said he'd treat us..."

"I'll put it on his tab." Optimus winked. Starscream smirked, and the House master smirked back.

"Then... may I have the black and silver room?" The seeker requested.

"Sure honey. I'll give you the list and profiles of our bots for you to choose from, which colour?"

"Mm, Green. And... I'll take you." Optimus' optics widened at the same time his grin did.

"As you wish," he turned a bit. "Jazz!" he called. A black and white mech with a baby blue visor scurried in, skidding to a halt beside the desk.

"Ya rang?" he beamed cheerfully.

"Can you take Sir Starscream up to the black and silver room for me?" Jazz gaped at the mention of the room, but quickly pulled his grin back on and nodded. "I'll be there as soon as I get Sir Soundwave comfortable." Optimus gave Starscream a wink and turned to Soundwave, who suddenly shrunk on the spot. Starscream gave him a reassuring pat on the forearm, then followed Jazz to an elevator. "No need to look so shy darling; what colour would you like?"

"... Megatron: chose youngest group?"

"He always does. He's rather lovestruck with our precious little Bee." Optimus shrugged.

"Hrm... may I see the list for the yellow group?" Soundwave asked timidly. Dating was not his first priority, not after his cassettes' mother died. He felt as though he were betraying Ultrasound, sort of, but it's what Megatron wished.

"Sure honey." Optimus handed him a yellow data pad, which he promptly started scrolling through.

Sunstreaker

Age: 19 orns.

Spark status: Twin.

Speciality: Exotic dancing.

Experience: 6

"Inquiry: You have rated their experience?"

"Sure, people want to know what they're getting into!" Prime laughed. Soundwave looked back at the pad.

Sideswipe

Age: 19 orns.

Spark status: Twin.

Speciality: BDSM

Experience: 5

Blaster

Age: 20 orns.

Spark status: blank.

Speciality: musical erotica

Experience: 6

"Musical... erotica?"

"Mm, he has a built in sensor that lets him calculate what audio frequency will arouse your circuits the quickest. It's quite amazing. You interested?"

"Possibly..." All the profile photos of these bots were flattering in every way; beautiful, sexy and promiscuous. All interesting, but didn't really appeal to Soundwave. He turned to the next profile.

Angels sang.

Tracks

Age: 20 orns.

Spark status: Broken bonded.

Speciality: pole dancing.

Experience: 8

"Tracks... I would like to see Tracks..." Soundwave stared at the picture. Optimus suddenly grimaced and looked awkward.

"S-sure honey... w-what room would you like?"

"... One that smells nice?" Optimus laughed and walked around the desk, unable to help giving Soundwave and small hug.

"You're adorable, you know that?" Soundwave cringed and blushed. "Tracks is kind of picky when it comes to his clients; he doesn't usually work for Decepticons. You'll have a job seducing him..."

"... I'll take my chances." Soundwave chuckled. Optimus smiled.

"Sure honey, I'll just call him there." he typed a bit on the computer, bending over the desk. "Alright, follow me." They walked into the same elevator Starscream and Jazz had used earlier. Optimus pressed a storm blue button and the elevator was off.


	2. There's a Bee in my room

**This first smut chapter is you typical plug-and-play sex scene for those of you readers who like typical infacing fics. I've personally gotten bored of reading the same sex scene over and over again in a completely different fanfic, but some people seem to like that -_-;; I promise you all a more interesting sex scene next chapter, which is going to be SoundwaveXTracks... which, may I add, I blame Miss cresent-moon-demon for getting me into! Curse you! I used to like StarscreamXSoundwave! CURSE YOU!**

**All joking aside; enjoy this typical cute smut fic... MegatronXBumblebee**

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><p>Megatron palmed the open button beside a royal violet door. As it swung open, he was met by the flattering sight of a small, purposely cute built mech. His yellow paint shimmered in the pale blue head lights on the ceiling as he swung his legs back and forth on the berth, which he couldn't reach the floor from.<p>

Said yellow mech turned his head and beamed at the large mech in the door way. "Good afternoon, sir!" he cheered happily, jumping off the berth and scampering to meet him.

"Afternoon, Bumblebee," Megatron purred as the tiny bot cuddled against his waist. "How have you been since my last appointment?" Bumblebee parted from Megatron and placed a finger against his cheek, looking to the roof in thought.

"Bored," he replied. "None of my other clients are as fun as you!" he pouted and folded his arms over his chest. "Why don't you visit me more often?"

"I'm afraid I've been rather low on the chips lately." Megatron cleared his vocaliser and nudge the closing panel. "So, how many clients have you had thus far?"

"Quite a few; Optimus noticed how frustrated I was and recommended me to most customers. I know he was just trying to help, but no one comes close or even-" Megatron's arm swept around the minibot's waist, raising him so their faceplates were level, a casually seductive smile on his lips.

"I can understand that." He chuckled. Bumblebee cupped the taller mech's silver cheeks, pulling his face closer for a tender kiss. Megatron rocked from side to side, cradling the smaller bot, though one hand moved to grope the shiny yellow aft.

"Mm..." Bee mumbled something into the kiss as it deepened, their mouths moving together, their glossa making light slapping noises as they lapped at each other. Megatron walked forward, still holding up Bee, then descended onto the purple berth, pushing the bug onto his back. Their kiss inevitably broke, leaving them panting; Bee sprawled in a rousing fashion.

Megatron licked his lips and chuckled again, "You've... been eating a lot of energon candy today." Bumblebee giggled and rolled onto his stomach, then attempted to crawl away. "Where do you think _you_ are going?" Megatron grinned, grabbing Bee's hip and dragging him back. The little mech squealed with laughter, grabbing a pillow to bash him with. He then dived off the side of the berth while Megatron collected his senses, and rolled underneath. "Bumblebee, what are you doing?" the tyrant smirked, stepping off the berth and crouching onto all fours.

"You have to come catch me~!" Came a perky voice. Megatron sighed, but had a good-sparked smile on his face, for once.

"I'm too old for this kind of thing Bee." he lifted the sheet out of his view to find Bumblebee laying on his stomach, arms folded under his chin, smiling that adorable smile at him. Baby blue met blood red and the cosmos just embraced their stares.

"If you're so old, why didn't you hire Ironhide instead of me?" Bumblebee tittered, winking cheekily. Megatron snorted in response.

"I'm old Bee... but not _desperate._" Bumblebee laughed openly and hid his face in his forearms.

"Ironhide's a lovely old guy!"

"And cranky."

"Aw, don't be harsh!"

"Come out here and punish me then." Bumblebee tilted his head to the side slightly, optics glittering.

"Come in _get_ me." Megatron frowned. "Worried you'll throw out your back, old man?"

"Don't give me that sass, you young whipper-snapper." Megatron's face swelled adoringly as Bumblebee giggled wildly again. Once he'd finished though, the grey mech just kept that smile.

"... What?"

"You're beautiful when you laugh."

"I'm not beautiful _all_ the time?" Bee asked in mock offence.

"Of course you are," Megatron retorted. "but more so when you laugh." Bumblebee's cheeks tinted pink slightly, cheek squashing against his elbow as he tilted his head again. They shared another cosmic moment.

Slowly, elegantly, Bumblebee crawled out from under the bed. Megatron sat back on his knees and let Bee settle in his lap, his yellow and grey legs around his silver and red waist. Their lips pecked each other softly, then wrapped together passionately. Bee ground his pelvic plating against Megatron's, leaving yellow paint scratches in the silver alloy. Said yellow plating then slid back, revealing a warm, open valve. One that Megatron was rather familiar with.

The tyrant smiled, the gently leaned Bumblebee back so the minibot was laying on his own shoulder blades, then moved his little legs onto his silver shoulders. A slick glossa reached out, probing and circling the lips of Bumblebee's valve, the tip sometimes dipping in between the slightest bit. Bumblebee squeaked, moaned and sighed at the attention, writhing where he was resting. Then, like he had done while kissing Bumblebee earlier, Megatron moved to mouth as the sodden entrance, glossa diving in eagerly. Bee yelped and gripped at Megatron's knees.

The tyrant rumbled at the delicious taste of the yellow prostitute. His glossa wouldn't go deep enough to actually give Bumblebee the ability to overload properly, but was enough to make the yellow mech's fluids flow into his mouth with ease. He drank it all down, listening to Bumblebee's moans until his spike was pressurized to the point of _agony._

He pulled his mouth away, a trail of -saliva? Transfluids?-followed his glossa and he removed his plating. Bumblebee lay flat on his back, panting like he'd just run a marathon. He felt a pair of strong hands jostling him about into a more comfortable position, his legs around a broad waist. He looked up to see the behemoth length pointing out of Megatron. He gasped and bit his knuckles. It didn't matter how many times he saw Megatron's spike; it always seemed like it was the first time.

"Oh Primus..." Megatron slid slowly into Bumblebee's valve, electricity crackling slightly at the connection. Bumblebee wheezed as his valve stretched, only _just_ being able to take Megatron's girth. The tyrant trailed kisses over Bee's wind shield, puffing in his vents, tickling his seams as he rocked back and forth into the little bug's port. "Mm... Megatron...!" Their glossas locked together as overload washed over them, rippling through their bodies like a wave of friction and electricity.

They sat for a moment in each other presence.

"I love you, you know."

"Uh huh..." Bumblebee yawned tiredly, resting his cheek against Megatron's chest plate.

"I'll always love you..."

"Always... and never."

Megatron cuddled his Bee close, staring at the ceiling.


	3. AN

**AN: Sorry I haven't been updating guys, I'm going through a depression streak. My dad's trying to pull me out of it but my mum is being _less_ than helpful, as are the idiots I am surrounded by at school. Forgive me, but I'll try and dish out some new chapters and oneshots soon-ish... maybe...**


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